Do you Dare to Date? Or Dare to do anything fun?

The greatest thing about having confidence is that you can dare yourself to do absolutely anything you want to!

Whether that’s go on a first date at age 60, travel alone, take up a new hobby, make new friends or even jump out of a plane!

Yesterday, I did the first of that list and went on a first date – and yeah, being 60 and going on a first date gave me the collywobbles!

Here’s the thing.......

Confidence isn’t about never having doubts and fears. It’s about acknowledging them and then dealing with them appropriately.

Did I have fears and doubts about dating. Hell yeah!

Although I love my life and live it to the full, after almost 4 years of breaking up with my partner, I was beginning to miss having a guy to cuddle. Friends suggested that I join Tinder.

Those voices in my head were never ending and loud:

* You can’t join Tinder, you’re too old.

* People will think you’re desperate!

* Online dating is full of weirdos

* You’re not slim or hot enough!

For ages, I didn’t join. And if I’m honest, it’s because I was afraid. But then one night, bored of lockdown TV and Netflix, I thought “What the Hell – what's the worst that can happen?” so I set up a profile.

Suddenly, I had loads of ‘likes’ from guys. At first I was afraid to like them back – and yeah some of them almost sent me running for the hills!

But then, I started ‘swiping right’ - all new terminology for me LOL.

Then I got a few messages – holy crap! I almost shut my account down! But then I put on my big girl pants and started chatting.

And it wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it was a lot of fun - highly amusing in some cases!

Sure – I got the vibe that a couple of them were predators or just wanted to talk dirty on the phone. But no problem – just use the delete function or ignore.

Then there was a guy who seemed ‘normal’ and nice.

And after chatting for a couple of weeks, he invited me on a coffee date.

The voices went off again:

* What if he’s an axe murderer?

* What if you like him and he doesn’t like you?

* What if he likes you and you don’t like him?

* What if he stands you up?

And the big one: But he doesn’t speak any English and your Spanish isn’t good enough!

But thankfully, I know how to shut these voices up. Let’s look at them in turn:

What if he’s an axe murderer? Well – safety is important. So I made sure the date was in a safe place at a safe time. 2.30pm on a Sunday afternoon in a café - in an area full of English speaking ex-pats! My girlfriends knew where I was going and I promised to WhatsApp them to let them know how it was going.

What if you like him and he doesn’t like you? So what? I would be no worse off than if I didn’t go. And there’s a good chance that he will like you.

“So what?” is one of my favourite challenging questions – try it!

What if he likes you and you don’t like him? So what? His problem, not mine! Harsh I know – but that’s life!

What if he stands you up? So what? Have a nice afternoon anyway – I often go to places on my own, so no problem there.

And the big one? Your Spanish isn’t good enough. Yeah, that one nearly stopped me. The guy doesn’t speak any English – at all. But I thought, so what? Even if it turns out to be too much like hard work, we don’t have to have a second date and for an hour or so I can get to practice my Spanish. Result! Also – I warned him, I was only learning and he would have to be patient with me. PLUS, he’s from Argentina and they speak much more slowly and clearly than the local Andaluz!

So – I went on the date.

Yeah I was nervous, but did some confidence building exercises, and made sure I looked and felt my best.

Another tip for you here. How you dress makes a massive difference to your confidence. The important thing is you have to FEEL great. Friends suggested I go and buy a sexy black dress. Black really doesn’t work for me, but I did buy a couple of dresses. And wore jeans!! Here’s the thing – jeans are ME. I don’t feel that comfortable in dresses. They’re for the beach or a fancy ‘do’. So I wore a nice, new pair of flattering jeans with a new top. Felt great! Wearing what you're comfortable in and feel great in is SO important.

And the result? It went well, and I had a really lovely afternoon.

The guy was attentive and respectful and much easier to talk to than I had imagined. And the Spanish was also much better than I imagined. He was patient and waited for me to find the words and I understood more than I thought I would. It was a great confidence boost for my speaking in Spanish ability! If he got fed up of me asking him to repeat stuff, he didn't show it. My favourite Spanish phrase is 'otra vez' - again LOL.

We had coffee, talked, walked on the beach, and I really needn’t have worried about any of those fears and doubts. And there was ice cream and a kiss and cuddle too! He seemed to like me and that was also a great confidence booster - while true confidence comes from within and what you think about yourself, a bit of external ego stroking now and again is always nice! And I liked him too.

Who knows if there will be a second date? It’s looking good so far but the point is, it really doesn’t matter. The two big take aways for me are:

1. I had a great afternoon and created some very nice memories.

2. I can do this! I’m not too old for dating LOL

The point of sharing this story is to encourage anyone who’s scared of stepping out of their comfort zone and putting themselves out there. Whether it’s going on a date – or anything else. Do it! You’re far more likely to regret the things you didn’t do.

And the chances are, you will have fun! And create a bank of great memories. And if things don’t go to plan, you will have some amusing stories to tell at the very least!

If you, or anyone you know, needs some help with confidence, please reach out to me. I’m happy to jump on a call and give a complimentary 20 minute consultation.

Life is for living!

Go on! Dare Yourself!

#Atrévete!